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بالعـربية
bamboo 6
CURFEW FOR FEELINGS
bamboo # 232 - anis 26 jan 04

there was an alarm call - the checkpoints of her heart - are all closed - security squads at the gates - not unfriendly - but strict - no one can get any further - without the valid papers -- there had been days - when i was several kilometers deep - in her territory - i found traces of my dream there - and was looking for the ear - today since dawn - all the roads are blocked - no intruders can - get through the wall - words, gestures, they rebound - not to think of touches - curfew for feelings - no infiltration - for the sake of calm - more she has not demanded - only calm - but was there not something that you wanted? - i asked - and she said - actually she already has it - but did you not tell about a dream - right at the start? - and she said that - this may well be the case - yet she is looking way ahead - if there was anything not alright? - she asked and i replied: - no no - it is not that - only this wall - it is very high - and the security measures - before there had been a little meadow here - only for us - at that she left me alone - for a moment -- i drove up and down the hill-streets - and tried at several spots - to find an entrance - i wanted to speak to her herself - but there was no way anymore - there was no space - this time she would have had to listen - and i would have had to listen, too -- the only remaining possibility - to reach her now - was the affect - the extreme - the deed out of despair - to drive straight into this checkpoint - accelerating - until the bang - because when there is a bang - then there has to be something important behind it - something you would think about - something where you ask yourself - why it happened - this is how i used to do it - with some of her sisters - only that it never worked out - in the end there was always only - a field of broken pieces - where before there was - the meadow - there were bad dreams - and cochroaches - that was all - nothing remained of the respective us -- so now the boarder is closed - i am standing here in the ice-cold day - smoking a cigarette - say goodbye to her - and stretch my bones - three tanks have rolled over me - on the way - by accident - collaterally - i had taken that into account - for i wanted to know - what was behind all that - and now i know - it was there - and i'll survive the rest -- security alarm - few words in the cinema - we stared onto the screen - and i behaved in an unconspicuous way - found myself in the undesired role - of an under-cover agent - we smiled - while she was busy - working on the separation device - she was always beautiful - with eyes shining - in the occident - i could only watch - for i came in from the wrong side - right at the start -- for a short moment only - had i today been the other - the stranger - saw myself in the mirror of the mirror woman - there he was again - i had known him for long - he had his place - and seemed to be a bit wretched - i did not like him - he used to talk in confusion - and was boundless - in a clumsy way - i understood - that she did not want to listen to him - i did not want to listen to him either - thus in the end - we almost agreed - and i did not have to let myself go - but only her