Wie soll man reagieren, wenn ein Familienangehöriger sich aus Neid die eigene Nase abschneidet? Vor dieser Frage steht Frohnatur Robert in der Titelgeschichte dieses Buches, denn Vetter Karl kann seine gute Laune einfach nicht ertragen. Mit drastischen Situationen sind auch die Hauptfiguren aus den anderen Satiren konfrontiert: das spitzbübische Huhn etwa, das vorgibt, goldene Eier zu legen, oder Champion Leo, der Zauberer aus Uruguay, der erstaunlich große Objekte aus seinem Hut zieht. Dann Tony und Amica, die mit ihrem hochbegabten Äffchen Rasputin völlig überfordert sind, und Kinderpsychologe Dr. Bock, der die xenophile Marlene zu heilen versucht.
Die 28 Stücke der Anthologie sind jeweils etwa fünf Minuten lang, wenn man sie vorliest. Zwölf gereimte Geschichten sind darunter und neun Teile einer „heiteren Weltgeschichte“, die von der Entstehung des Menschen bis zur heutigen Zeit reicht. Außerdem drei Dialoge mit „den Jungs“ Heinz und Helmut, die gerade nach Mainz gezogen sind. Was die Stücke verbindet ist der Humor, mal in Form von Nonsens, mal als zeitkritische Satire. Es handelt sich um eine Auswahl einiger meiner besten komischen Texte der vergangenen fünfzehn Jahren. Sie sind zum Teil bühnenerprobt.
Der Verlag Donata Kinzelbach in Mainz ist spezialisiert auf Belletristik aus dem Maghreb. Zur Zusammenarbeit kam es, nachdem meine spontan auswendig vorgetragenen Texte für Heiterkeit im Verlag gesorgt hatten.
Siehe auch die Seiten Das Krokodil aus Kiel, Das Huhn und Champion Leo.

Inhaltsverzeichnis: Vorwort 1. Robert 2. Das Huhn 3. Albert 4. Das Krokodil aus Kiel 5. Auto fahr'n 6. Das Huhn (2) 7. Der Minister 8. Der Zauberer aus Uruguay 9. Champion Leo in Ägypten 10. Der Fischer und das Licht 11. Die Meerjungfrau Sibylle 12. Der Clown 13. Der Affe mit dem Banjo 14. Der Prinz auf der Melone

15. Superman und der Blaue Planet 16. Dr. Bocks Sprechstunde: Xenophilie 17. Die Jungs: In der Autowerkstatt 18. Die Jungs: Durch den Rhein 19. Die Mädels: Alphabetisch 20. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Die Entstehung des Menschen 21. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Die Pharaonen 22. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Die Griechen 23. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Die Chinesen 24. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Das alte Rom 25. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Das Mittelalter 26. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Die Entdeckung Amerikas 27. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Die Französische Revolution 28. Heitere Weltgeschichte: Die heutige Zeit

robert war ne frohnatur - er sah das positive nur - im leben - da konnt es auch mal regen geben - für robert war das kein problem - sein ohrensessel war bequem - und seine heizung warm - im kessel wasser für den tee - es kam - nicht drauf an - wie das wetter war - der mann - fand es immer nur wunderbar -- sein vetter war - karl - dem war alles egal - er trug seinen schal - auch im sonnenschein - als robert mal lachte - da dachte - der karl: - das kann nicht für lange sein - bald wird ihm bange sein - ist nicht normal - er ist jeden tag heiter - so geht das nicht weiter - und während ich schwitze - macht er seine witze - was kann denn da bloß nur im gange sein? ...

ROBERT (LIVE) (4:18) 14.06.14 in Heidelberg

Der ganze Text steht hier: Robert - und andere gereimte Geschichten, Satiren und Märchen

ROBERT (3:37) mp3

ach albert, mensch, lang nichts gehört! - nee nee, hast mich gar nicht gestört - ich sitz hier grad rum und döse - und mach nicht viel getöse - und du, wie geht's denn immer? - ach was, du suchst 'n zimmer! - na, das' ja ganz was neues! - die ute hat dich rausgeschmissen - die frauen: lieb sie, und bereu es - kaputt das herz, verheult das kissen - mensch, konnt'ste das nich vorher wissen? ...

im studio heut' der herr minister - 'ne leichte beute, oh, da ist er - schon - kommt grad - zur tür 'rein - ton - und kamera bereit! - wird langsam zeit -- geht alles übern sender - und später gehn die bänder - ins archiv - ganz tief - ins kollektivgedächtnis - ein richtiges vermächtnis - hat sich da angesammelt - alles, was recht und schlecht ist - es ist gerammelt - voll von dokumenten ...

die meerjungfrau sibylle - verlor einst ihre brille - unten am meeresgrund - kein lächeln lag um ihren mund - sie saß allein - auf ihrem stein - im hafen - und konnte nicht mehr schlafen - so ging es stund um stund um stund - für länger als drei wochen - als hätt es ihr das herz gebrochen - wär so gern in see gestochen - doch es reichte nicht der wille - sie brauchte dringend ihre brille ...

once upon a time - there were two children - tony and amica - who had a little monkey - that came way deep from africa - and still was very young - it lived together with them in the house - for the parents of tony and amica - this was ok - they called the monkey rasputin - because he had so much hair - rasputin quickly felt comfortable - he had a cage of his own - yet spent most of his time - in the living-room - soon he understood the remote control - of the television - and the dvd player - as well as the way to the fridge - he jumped about in the trees in the garden - and learned from tony and his father - how to play chess - but he lost every game - or had to accept a draw - in this way the years passed - then on a thursday - he won over the father - with a rare variant - of the king's gambit - nobody could figure out - how raspu knew about this variant, at all - the father - as a matter of logic - became very angry - and he locked the monkey up - in the dusty attic - there raspu discovered old hats and plush clothes - which he wore - and examined in the mirror - he also found the banjo - originally it belonged to tony - but he had soon been tired of it - it was completely out of tune - and the monkey had to start with - learning the cycle of fifths - from old music books - that were scattered around the gramophone - there were a couple of dixieland records, too - from east-germany - in the attic - and nobody wanted to listen to them - so raspu practised music all day long - then - when the father's rage started to calm down - after about four months - and when rasputin was allowed to come back down - he could play the banjo - passably without mistakes - although of course he was unable by far - to resort to free improvisation - tony, amica, their parents and the grandfather - who has not appeared in the story before - let the monkey have his instrument - which he seemed to be so besotted with - rasputin played dixieland music all day long - and sang to it - at first in the living-room - then in the cellar - then in the back of the garden - and eventually even - in a motorway service area - meanwhile tony and amica - had developed new interests - so that a certain alienation had taken place - between them and rasputin - and there wasn't much left - for them to tell each other - then came christmas eve - everybody was in a conciliatory mood - and they celebrated together - in the evening they sat by the open fire - after a good meal - and even when rasputin once by accident - knocked the heavy tree over - which was decorated with real candles - they did not mind - for the presents had not been unwrapped yet - and when they were - rasputin felt like the happiest monkey - in the whole country - for he got the score of the christmas oratorio - immediately he tried it at the piano - until he - as if intoxicated - and without consideration - went to the extent - of creating very complex phrasings - that lasted for several hours - harmonic for the ear alright - and yet a clear affront - against the other family members - the monkey just could not be stopped - tony saw amica - as she was looking at the fireplace - and turning her eyes to rasputin - and tony grabbed the monkey by the neck - and threw him in - quickly he locked it with the grill - and raspu's fur went on fire right away - he still tried - to squeeze his shining face - through the grill - but did not succeed - such was the punishment - of the ungrateful animal

welcome to another episode of: - "doctor bock's surgery-hour" - i am doctor bock - children's psychiatrist - in the astrid lindgren hospital - for the hard to educate - the ill behaving - and mad children and juveniles - our most interesting newcomer for months now - is marlene - she really got us all - sister hertha for example - who usually cannot be shaken by anything - she almost quit her job - she said: - the forecourt of hell was... - oh i don't remember the words - hold on for a sec - sister hertha! - sister hertha do come 'round - for a moment will you? - what was that that you were saying? - the forecourt... - "i said: - i'd rather scrub the forecourt of hell - before i set foot - in marlene's cell again!" - oh yeah right - scrub it was - now listen sister - we did agree - that we won't call them ‚cells' anymore - didn't we? - they are rooms - okay? - tell me now sister: - who actually cares for marlene - since you don't set foot - and all that? - what you have no idea? - and for how long is it now - that you haven't set foot? - what? - this... - now listen here: - you'll go immediately - to the cell nonsense to marlene - no back talk! - i said: immediately - and take a mug of water with you - and some knaeckebrot - what do you say? - we don't have any more knaeckebrot? - well what do we have then? - alright then take them old ritz crackers - now get on with it! - well - ladys - ah - and gentleman - now this came a bit surprising... - i really could have checked that - before the show - well - anyway - who cares! - now about this extraordinary case: - marlene is xenophile! - for central europe this is a very rare illness - the last occurrence - that i can remember at all - was in my college years in paderborn - the case had a tragic ending - nobody would ever have supected - that a case like that - could happen again - that is until marlene hit the scene - she is seven years old - her father brought her here - and said - that his child - was attracted to the strange - the unusual - and the occult - beyond all limits - whereas she would detest - all normal things - she had suspicious playmates - and all in all too few aversions - she loved spinach for instance - but on the next day - she would want to eat - something different again - you never knew - what she was about - her parents even had to resort to exorcism - when marlene threw an egg-sandwich - on the ground - in anger one day - then when she came to our place - she was instantly attracted to all them mad children - who live here - and she turned her cell - ah - living-cell - no - room! - her room she turned into something like a head office - sister hertha said - that marlene - performed some sort of - some sort of voodoo... - ah sister hertha - there you are again - what's the matter? - you look so pale - are there any problems? - no? - well alright then - marlene just sat there smiling? - well this is good - isn't it? - what do you say: for two weeks? - without any water? - hm - marlene really is - sort of strange - i can tell you that for sure - spooky thing this - and what about the rest of the - mad children and juveniles? - they are alright well there you are - this was why we isolated marlene to begin with - wasn't it? - i mean that was the purpose - of the whole thing - but no sister - i wouldn't call that a satanic cult - no i don't think so - that's a bit far-fetched - although ... - well i mean - you never know

one day – in times of horror – and of organized crime – accidentally a little boy - came to earth from the planet crypton – at his host-parents’ he learned how to fly – and how to look through walls – the power of his body was uncomparable – and he also had the looks – for a long time he lived happily in metropolis – in a two-room-apartment with room-service – he sat at the desk – and played solitaire – until he saw the red light from the lamp in front of him – there he put on the costume in no-time – and flew through the window – right to the spot where things were going on – it was on a tuesday morning in fall – when superman surprisingly was called into the town-hall – two seconds later he appeared in front of the mayor’s office – as agreed – but the door was locked – superman saw through the door – how the mayor put on his tie – and changed his trousers - five minutes later – some seriously looking public officials – came up the corridor – they wore crescent glasses and had files under their arms – they said hello to superman – and the mayor opened the office door from within – „there seems to be a problem“ – said the town councillor – when everybody had sat down at the huge mahogany table – a long pause followed - superman looked at her – but could not see her thoughts – he only saw – that she had tickets for the opera – in a pocket inside the suit – „the thing is“ – said the man from the health department – „that the population – gets feelings of inferiority – because of your super power“ – „yeah“ – completed the senator for culture – „this power – this elegance – and speed – you are superior to everybody else – this is hardly bearable“ – „exactly“ – continued the mayor – „a lot of people were annoyed – about your participation in the olympic games – the media, too – is fed up with heroic tales – they have turned to calling it a dubious cult by now“ – superman was shocked – neither did he know about that nor did he want it - „well“ – it was lois lane’s voice from the other side of the table – „to say the truth i also find this costume – a bit like the one of a show-off – and infantile – you know – actually i don’t need all this superman stuff at all – and you don’t have to prove anything to me neither“ – she lit a cigarette – at that superman apologized for a moment – and flew to his castle – in the eternal ice – he strolled through the museum with the trophies – and gazed at the exposed items – sometimes he smiled lost in thoughts – when he returned – his ex-girlfriend was just exstinguishing the cigarette in the ashtray – „and how shall things go on now?“ – asked superman – „just be normal again“ – they all said together in a choir - „like us“ – but superman did not want that – he had had a longtime training and now did not agree – „don’t you think – that this is a bit egotistic of you?“ – asked lois – „is this what you want – that we all are in pain because of you?“ – now superman was confused – he returned to his apartment – and pondered and pondered – maybe these people were right – he broke the red lamp off the desk - played solitaire – and everybody lived happily ever after